The unknowns about post-placement counseling and support

This morning I received another email. In it I read, "I was wondering if you could help me find a support group. I'm really confused and alone right now and I don't know what I'm supposed to be feeling." The e-mails come too often, like this one, from birthmothers who have recently surrendered. They write wanting help, needing direction, and wondering out-loud who, if anyone, will be there for them.

What they should have known beforehand:

· Post-placement counseling is paid for by the adoptive parents and is limited once the finalization has taken place.
· Many "birthmother counselors" are also adoptive parent counselors.
· It is not recommended that birthmothers use agencies that do not have an on-going post-placement support group in place.
· Post-placement mediators (caseworkers) are paid for and are working for adoptive families.
· You have the right to adequate counseling and support but it must be set up and in place before finalization.

What does all of this mean?

· The fees charged by the adoption agency include your counseling sessions. What you may not be aware of is that you're limited to these sessions.
· Your counselor may also be the adoptive parents' counselor, which means, although there should be client/counselor confidentiality, your counselor may be "guiding" the sessions and your decisions without your knowing it.
· Without an on-going support group in place, where will you go for support once your counseling sessions run out? What other birthmothers will you talk to? Basically, you'll be in a position to find a support group through another agency and it's common that when this occurs, these birthmothers feel "out of place" and/or separated. Birthmothers from one agency bond like family. They know the same caseworkers, counselors, and attitudes and policies.
· Your mediator or caseworker who will be handling your post-placement openness issues is working for the adoptive parents. Once that finalization is in place, your needs take second seat to the adoptive parents.
· Legally, you have rights to adequate counseling. Small print: BEFORE FINALIZATION. So, get your therapy set up and paid for beforehand. You have every right to choose your own counselor, but you must make it a part of the adoption agreement and have it paid for before hand.

It's difficult to gauge how necessary post-placement counseling is when you've yet to need it. But what do you have to lose by simply putting it into place just in case?

Take care of yourself. Know what you might need.