Hospitals: the Good, the Bad, and the Ugly, Page 2
As I mentioned earlier, our son was moved to a regional health care facility that was better equipped to handle his health care. I learned the true meaning of being a mother and standing up for your child when this happened. I realized that nothing will ever eclipse the love I feel for my little boy and that nothing will ever come between me and doing the right thing for him, even now. The doctors were uncooperative, assumed I was a drug addict, unable to make choices for my son, refused to give me information I needed to make important choices for him and violated my privacy and my son’s. I knew that I was in charge and eventually had that doctor removed from my son’s care. When he decided he was going to let the pre-adoptive parents make choices that my partner and I should have been making, that was the end. I also filed complaints with the staff at the hospital regarding this doctor.
We retained our parental rights for those six weeks that Punkin was in this hospital and for three and half months afterward. We chose pre-adoptive parents who didn’t have a problem with that. They knew and understood our needs. One of our needs, mine in particular, was to see our son through that difficult time at the beginning of his life. I didn’t want my baby to grow up on anti-rejection drugs and there were points when transplants were being discussed. Had that become a necessity, we would have taken him home and cared for him during his short life. I love him so much that I would have let him go rather than watch him suffer through a difficult life. It was crushing to know that I was his primary decision-maker for that time and then I had to let go of him. Doing the right thing is many times doing the hard thing and this was the hardest thing I have ever done.
Knowing what I know now, would I go back and change things? The things I would change would still be things out of my control. Do I hope I changed things? Yes. I hope that the hospital my son was in has a better understanding of what a couple who places a child for adoption is like. I hope they understand that we aren’t all teenagers who are drug-addicted and promiscuous. I hope that they see that sometimes we are stable citizens who just want to do the best thing for our baby.
I would tell any woman or couple making an adoption plan to remember that while you are in the hospital and beyond, if the case is like ours,
- You are your baby’s mom and dad and nothing and no one can change that.
- Grab that experience with both hands and don’t let go.
- Don’t let anyone - nurses, doctors, social workers, or prospective adoptive parents - railroad you into something you don’t want.
- Make all of your decisions when you are drug free.
- Don’t sign papers unless you feel comfortable signing them; if you have any doubt about something, don’t do it.
- If you have any doubts about placing your child, discuss your options with your support system.
- Pack a bag and be ready to go into labor; don’t live in denial like I did.
The hospital can be good, bad or ugly, based on a lot of different things. My hope for every mom out there is that it is a good experience even if it is difficult.
© Maja Hedman
