Birthparent Check List
Questions to Consider Prior to Making an Adoption Plan
When I found myself unexpectedly pregnant and making an adoption plan for my unborn baby, choosing a family for my son was one of the most important decisions I’ve made in my life.
For older birthmothers in the closed adoption era, they didn’t have any say so over the family that would raise their child. But nowadays, most expectant mothers choose the family that they wish to raise their child.
Before you begin the search for the right adoptive family for your child, give some thought to the type of parents/family that you are looking for as well as the type of adoption you are hoping for.
Openness
How open do you want your adoption to be? Do you want a family who is looking for a fully open adoption with frequent visits or would you prefer something like pictures often and a yearly visit? Prior to looking at family profiles, you should give some thought to the amount of contact you would like. In order for you to have a successful and positive open adoption, you should try to find a family that has similar ideas about openness as you do. Be leery of prospective couples whose views of open adoption suddenly change to meet your own.
Also, in thinking of the type of openness you are looking for, give some thought to location. Obviously if you want a fully open adoption with frequent visits, you should probably not choose a family that is on the other side of the country making your idea of your adoption difficult.
Two Parent Families
How important is it to me that my child has a mother and a father? For some expectant mothers considering adoption, not being able to provide a stable father in her child’s life may be one of the big reasons that she is considering adoption, therefore, she may want a two parent family for her child. While other expectant mothers do not have a preference as long as the child is well provided for. However, it is important to keep in mind that adoptive couples are not immune to divorce. Just because you choose to place your child with a two parent family does not mean that it will always stay that way.
Stay at Home Parents
For some expectant mothers considering adoption, not being able to provide a stay at home parent could be another reason they are considering adoption so they may wish to look for a family in which one parent is able to stay at home with the baby. While other expectant mothers do not have a preference on this issues as long as it is the right family. Decide if a stay at home parent is a must for you. Again, keep in mind that things change and the stay at home parent could decide to go back to work.
Siblings
Some expectant mothers considering adoption may want their child to be the first child in the family or may want their child to be the only child in a family. While others, may want their child to have siblings so there are options to think about but it is also important to keep in mind that just because a couple is only planning on having one child doesn’t mean that it will happen. Surprises occur, plans change, etc.
Religion
Is religion an issue for you? If your faith is important to you, you may wish for your child to be exposed to the same religion and belief system. If an expectant mother is a devout Catholic, she may want her child to be raised in a family that is Catholic. While for other birthmothers, religion may not be an issue.
Race
Is the race of the adoptive couple and any existing children they already have an issue for you? Expectant mothers who are pregnant with biracial children will often look for adoptive couples where one of the two is the same race as the child or they will look for families where one of their children is the same race of the child.
A few tips to help you as you look for an adoptive family:
- Don’t rush. While you may prefer to find a family during your pregnancy, there is no rule that says you must do so. Don’t rush into choosing a family just because your due date is near.
- Consider choosing an adoptive family that already has one (or more) adopted children in open adoptions. Ask to speak to their child’s birthmother to see if they have remained consistent and fulfilled the promises they made before relinquishment.
- If at any time you see red flags that this may not be the correct family for your child, do something about it. You are not obligated to any family. If you begin to feel uncomfortable, consider choosing another family.
Credits: Coley Strickland
